Signs he/she does not necessarily love you

Here are some signs that someone does not necessarily love you but, instead, is addicted to you, either to give them an endorphin rush from mistreating you, generally using you, or (in the case of BPD/NPD) using you for a sense of identity and/or narcissistic supply:

  1. giving advice but not accepting it
  2. having difficulty in reaching out and in asking for support and love
  3. giving orders; demanding and expecting much from others
  4. trying to "get even" or to diminish the self-esteem or power of others
  5. being judgmental; using put-downs that sabotage others' success; faultfinding; persecuting; punishing
  6. holding out on others; not giving what others want or need
  7. making, then breaking, promises; causing others to trust us and then betraying the trust
  8. smothering; [needing to be near you an inordinate amount]
  9. patronizing, condescending treatment of others that sets one partner up as superior, the other as inferior; intimidation
  10. making decisions for others; discounting others' abilities to solve problems
  11. putting others in no-win situations
  12. attempting to change others (and unwillingness to change self)
  13. attacking others when they are most vulnerable
  14. showing an antidependent attitude: "I don't need you"
  15. using bullying, bribing behavior; using threats
  16. showing bitterness or self-righteous anger; holding grudges
  17. abusing others verbally, emotionally, sexually, or physically
  18. being aggressive and defining it as assertiveness
  19. needing to win or be right
  20. resisting stubbornly or being set in one's own way
  21. having difficulty admitting mistakes or saying "I'm sorry"
  22. giving indirect, evasive answers to questions
  23. defending any of the above behaviors

— Brenda Schaeffer. Is It Love or Is It Addiction Third Edition (Kindle Locations 1481-1498)